Are you a
MISUNDERSTOOD MARTYR?

Take my free 2-minute quiz to find out how your martyr tendencies may be affecting your quality of life.

Are you a
MISUNDERSTOOD MARTYR?

Take my free 2-minute quiz to find out how your martyr tendencies may be affecting your quality of life.

Are you a
MISUNDERSTOOD MARTYR?

Take my free 2-minute quiz to find out how your martyr tendencies may be affecting your quality of life.
Martyrs are often seen as people taking a victim stance – standing up for what they believe in to the point that they’ll die for those beliefs, especially in a religious context.
However, that’s not what I mean when I say Misunderstood Martyr. 

What is a Misunderstood Martyr?

What is a Misunderstood Martyr?

Karpman's Drama Triangle

A Misunderstood Martyr is someone who rescues others, and looks for that victim stance in other people.

“They see the problems of others and genuinely want to help solve them.”

They feel like it’s their responsibility to make other people happy, and deep down, they are afraid of not being valued or needed.

Let’s refer to the person that the martyr wants to help as “the victim.”

When the martyr first approaches the victim to help them, things can get complicated. Sometimes, the victim is in denial that they have a problem at all. Furthermore, if the victim is aware of their problem, they might not want help, or for anyone else to get involved.

The victim may also be hesitant to let the martyr help as they wonder why the martyr isn’t focusing on their own problems to the same extent.

If the victim accepts the help, the martyr faces the risk of having the victim develop a long-term dependency on them. This, of course, is exhausting for the martyr.  

Over time, the martyr feels misunderstood and may ask themselves questions like these:

  • Why can’t they see that I was only trying to help?
  • Why do I always end up blamed or punished for trying to help others?
  • Why isn’t anyone there for me like I am for them?
  • Why do they keep doing that to themselves instead of taking my advice?
  • Why do I feel like I put so much effort into others and it isn’t reciprocated?
  • Why do they make me feel so (crazy, angry, frustrated)?
  • Why don’t they understand me?
  • When will I be seen for who I really am?

Martyrs work to help others to the point of exhaustion and frustration, often ending up becoming a victim themselves.

They are pushed away, ignored, and forced to face dramatic and unnecessary ends to relationships with the people they were only trying to help. 

Over time, the martyr feels misunderstood and may ask themselves questions like these:

  • Why can’t they see that I was only trying to help?
  • Why do I always end up blamed or punished for trying to help others?
  • Why isn’t anyone there for me like I am for them?
  • Why do they keep doing that to themselves instead of taking my advice?
  • Why do I feel like I put so much effort into others and it isn’t reciprocated?
  • Why do they make me feel so (crazy, angry, frustrated)?
  • Why don’t they understand me?
  • When will I be seen for who I really am?

Martyrs work to help others to the point of exhaustion and frustration, often ending up becoming a victim themselves.

They are pushed away, ignored, and forced to face dramatic and unnecessary ends to relationships with the people they were only trying to help. 

Over time, the martyr feels misunderstood and may ask themselves questions like these:

  • Why can’t they see that I was only trying to help?
  • Why do I always end up blamed or punished for trying to help others?
  • Why isn’t anyone there for me like I am for them?
  • Why do they keep doing that to themselves instead of taking my advice?
  • Why do I feel like I put so much effort into others and it isn’t reciprocated?
  • Why do they make me feel so (crazy, angry, frustrated)?
  • Why don’t they understand me?
  • When will I be seen for who I really am?

Martyrs work to help others to the point of exhaustion and frustration, often ending up becoming a victim themselves.

They are pushed away, ignored, and forced to face dramatic and unnecessary ends to relationships with the people they were only trying to help. 

Whether you’re coming to me as a:
frustrated member of a dysfunctional relationship, a rescuer of others or a leader in a less than ideal environment…

I WANT TO HELP guide you.

Whether you’re coming to me as a:
frustrated member of a dysfunctional relationship, a rescuer of others or a leader in a less than ideal environment…

I WANT TO HELP guide you.

Whether you’re coming to me as a:
frustrated member of a dysfunctional relationship, a rescuer of others or a leader in a less than ideal environment…

I WANT TO HELP
guide you.

 “Together, we will move you out of your own way to becoming the authentic helper, healer and servant leader, effortlessly attracting the relationships you’ve been craving so you can begin living your life to its fullest potential.”

– Stephanie Myer,
The Martyr Coach

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